Saturday, January 24, 2009

FUNNY SMS

Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-Hurty!

• Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !

• Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.

• Gandhigiri ki safalta ke baad, pesh hai. Messagegiri jisme aap msg kare ya na kare, ham msg bhejte rahenge, kabhi to aapko sharm aayegi. Gud Day!

• Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano Car.......preferably with Gas Kit!!!

• Hasi ke liye gam kurban, khushi ke liye aansoo kurban, dost ke liye jan bhi kurban, agar dost ki girlfreind mil jaye to saala dost bhi kurban.

• Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !

• Doctor, cut off my dog's tail.
Vet: Why do u want to do that?
Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don't want anything to make her think she's welcomed.

• Most of my friends are normal, sane, cultured, decent, intellectual & well-behaved persons... Just wanna thank you for breaking the monotony!

• Police arrestd a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
• Grammar Teacher: Rahul sharaab Nahin Peeta Hai. Is sentence mein Rahul kya hai?
Pappu: Madam! Rahul chutiya hai...

• Valentine special: Dunyia wich reh k rangaa wich kho jao.. Kise nu apna bana lao ya kise da ho jao.. Je kuchh vi ni hunda taan....Chakko Rajaai te so jao.

• I Love You is 8 letters long. Then again, so is bullshit.

• Q: Which type of Women wear Revealing Clothes?
A: Those who don't have Confidence in the Imaginative powers of Men!

• Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Student: Father-in-Law!

• Agar aap chahte hain k apke face pe dhool-mitii na lage to Roz subah lagaiye Asian Paints ka Apex Ultima jo dhool-mitti ko tikne na de!

• What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?

• Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional & stupid, start fighting without any reason.

• Advice of dentist. "Treat ur girl friend like a toothbrush. Don't let any body else use it, and get a new one every three months.

• Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!
• What building has the most stories?
The Library.

• A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.

• Asmaan mai tum ho, samundar mai tum ho, zamin pe tum, hawa mai tum, jahan b dekho tum hi tum ho. DOMEX wali aunty thik kehti thi KITANU har jagah hote hain.

• Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!

• Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

• If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

• Education is incomplete without 5 B's
B - Bikes
B - Beers
B - Babes
B - Bunks and the most important
B - Backlogs!

• Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did.

• Why did Saddam Hussein attack Kuwait?
He had an Arabic baby-sitter, who always used to say 'Keep Quwait, Keep Quwait'.

• Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart. Then why do people get heart attack when they are tensed and why people get mad when they are in love?
• Only once in your life u'll get a right person with whom u'll get married, so, till than keep enjoying with the wrong Ones!

• Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko Gud Morning kaise?
Simple! Phone mera, Paise mere, Msg mera, toh marzi bhi meri! Jo marzi aayega wo bhejunga.

• Elephant falls in Luv with Ant, but Ant's parents were against their marriage. Guess why?
They gave a Solid Reason: Kehnde Munde de dand Bahar ne.

• Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya te kisi hor de nal suti si.
Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!

• Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

• Janwaran di party chal rahi cee Chua 4 peg la ke set cee.
Billi: J ajj party na hundi ta mai tenu ajj kha jandi.
Chua: Ja tur ja saliye, loki kehan ge khadi piti wich janani kut diti.

• I pray to God that any person who tries to fuck ur happiness, may his ass begin to itch & his hand grow shorter that he can't reach his ass to scratch.

• Ek Tapori ki wife: Sunte ho ji, Apne chinku ne aaj pehla aadha shabd bola.
Tapori: Achcha, Kya bola ?
Wife: Behan...

• He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

• Ek samay ki bat hai, Mata Lakshmi ji ka ULLU unse rooth gaya aur bola, 'Apki sab puja karte hain, mujhe koi nahin puchhta'
Lakshmi ji boli: Ab se har sal meri puja se 8-10 din pehle tumhari puja hogi. Us din Ullu puje jayenge.
Tabhi se Diwali k pehle us din ko KARWA CHAUTH keh kar manaya jata hai!
• 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidentsarer due to driving without drinking! Piyo Sar Utha Ke!

• How 2 catch squirrels?
It's simple. Just climb a tree & sit, Squirrels will come in search of U... U know Y? Coz They Love NUTS!

• Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind mite be dangerous coz people say... I'm MIND BLOWING.

• My Marriage is Fixed Surprisd?
Dekho free di party da sun k kivein khush hunde ne.

• Banta: How do you say Topless in Urdu?
Santa: KHULE AAM...

• The successful marriage depends on one simple equation: Wife having Beauty Secrets and husband having Secret Beauties.

• There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... is right. Good Day.

• Tum sab dost meri zindagi ho, aur aur aur aur aur Lahnat hai aisi zindagi pe!

• True relatives always stand behind u during bad times. Check ur marriage album. All ur relatives were standing behind u!

• Commerce joke: Do u know y in a couple's photo man is on the right side & woman on the left?
Because as per balance sheet liabilities are on left side and assets on right!
• Girl anounced her engagement. Father: Does this fellow have any money?
Girl: Oh! Daddy, U men are all alike, that's exactly what he asked me about you!

• Some translations in Punjabi:
Yo baby! Wassup? Ve kaka, a uttey ki tangeya va?
Listen buddy, dat chick is mine! O bhaoo, o nikki kukree meri aa !
R u nuts? Tu akhrot an oye?
Rock the party. VATTEY mar jashan ch.
Lets hangout! Aja bahar lamkiye.

• Young Malkin & Pappu Naukar were kidnapped & raped by robbers.
Malik to Naukar: Shakal Dekhi thi un logon ki?
Pappu Naukar: Bibi ji se pucho mujhe to ulta litaya hua tha!

• Daru se Nasha badhta hai, Nashe se junun. Junun se mehnat, Mehnat se paisa, Paise se izzat. Isliye Izzatdar wohi hai jo Daru pita hai !

• Chandni raat thi, nadi ka kinara tha, asmaan me taro ka nazara tha, Bihari premi ne pyar se muskarate hue Biharan premika se kaha: Ae Susma, Bidi Piyegi ?

• A Solid reason for having two girlfriends at one time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!

• If u don’t have a gf/bf, don’t have a nice job, don’t like partying & dancing, just have a boring life, then don’t worry just log on to www.rabba chukk lay.com

• A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it’s 25,000

• Which is the most confusing day in America?
Thinking?
Still thinking?
Fathers day!

• Om Namah Shinay! Jai Sri Ram! Wahe Guru! Jai Sri Krishna! Darr Mat, kisi ko forward nahin karna hai, khud hi jap le... PAAPI.
• In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!

• A Chinese couple Mr. & Mrs. Hua got twins without marriage. What did they name them?!!!?
JO-hua, SO-hua

• Laziness is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru
We should learn to love our enemies- Mahathma Gandhi
Dasso hun bapu di maniye ya chache di?

• There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & GOOD _ UCK. Whatever u are thinking... Is right. Gud Day.

• When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flows from your eyes always say these words... Eh Ganpat, chal daru la…

• Dil ke operation ko BYEPASS kyo kehte hain?
Kyon ki agar operation theek ho gaya to... PASS varna Hamesha ke liye BYE!

• Breaking News: Latest sponsor of the Indian Cricket Team: Whisper Ultra.
BCCI felt it appropriate as the team is undergoing its worst PERIOD!

• Lalu: Rabri, tum to hamara CHAND ho.
Rabri: Na ji hamka CHAND VAND mat kahiye, ye sasure America wale roj Chand pe chadte utarte rahte hai.

• Gud looks catch the eyes, but gud personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both! Flattered? Don't Be! It was sent to me, and I just wanted you to read it.

• There was a man who never romped or played. He never smoked or drank, nor kissed a girl. And he passed away, insurance was denied. Since he had never lived, they claimed he never died. So live it up. CHEERS
• Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: Will you marry me?
She replied: No!
And the guy lived happily ever after.

• Daily Prayer: O GOD, give us strength & capacity to pay Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise Duty, Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Prop.Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Prof. Tax, Road Tax, Edu Cess, Congestion Levy & many more. Besides don't forget Gunda Hafta, Bribes, Donations, Chanda, Beggers etc... If we have some time & money left after that, we will do some Business. Cheers to Booming Indian Economy! Gud Day!

• Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied men! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man...!!

• All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

• There's a small gap between confidence and over-confidence. You can kiss your girlfriend is Confidence. Only you can kiss your girlfriend is Over-Confidence.

• What would confuse a mentally challenged person?
Answer: A pineapple.
Confused...? I knew you would be!

• How to catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS !

• A highly successful flirt was once asked: Which one is ur best gf?
He replied: The next one!
Always aim high n continuously improve ur performance.

• The most interesting thing about this sms is that by the time you realize that nothing is written in it.... it would be too late for you to stop reading it!

• Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian!
• If I was a painter, u would be my painting. If I was an author, you would be my story. If I was a poet, you would be my poem. But unfortunately I am a psychiatrist.

• Hi, keep messaging me and win exciting prizes:
3rd Prize: Lots of Luv.
2nd Prize:Longlasting friendship.
1st Priz: Free stay for Lifetime in my heart.

• No matter how high the sky is, how deep the ocean is, how strong the wind is, how wide the river is, I just wanna tell u... it's none of ur business.

• Ladies....it is okay to wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong ones.

• Well, they do say opposite attracts... So I sincerely 'hope' you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cuultured.

• A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished high school.

• In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36

• Miss U Miss U sab kahein, par actually miss kare na koi. Agar koi kisiko miss kare to fir SMS band kyun hoye!

• A Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most imp LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
The Student replies: Father-in-Law

• A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird, put in cage with bread & water.
Bird wakes up, luks around & screams: Salakhen! My God! I've killed the motorist.
• M_rkh, St_pid, B_dh_, D_ffer, Bewak_f, Ghoch _, _ll_, Bhondu_, dekha... Everything is incomplete without ‘U’

• As u face a brand new day, bow ur head & say this prayer: Thank u Lord for having this amazingly gud luking sender. May his smartness increases everyday.

• A good friend comes 2 visit u in the hospital with flowers n goes.
A True friend sits near u n says: O yaar, nurse bahut sunder hai... aaram se theek hona!

• Q: Where do Indian batsmen perform their best?
A: In advertisements.

• Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
A: 3 runs in 3 balls.

• Q: What is the height of optimism?
A: Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.

• What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.

• Someone has kidnapped the Indian cricket team and demanded Rs 50 crore or else he would burn them with kerosene. Please donate. I have already donated 25 litres.

• Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do? Open the zip! Enter your hands in between your zip... take out your... book from your bag and study!

• Wat a RIP OFF! I saw a book in the store titled: 37 Mating Positions. I took it home, sat in my room,opend it. Damn it...It was a book on CHESS!
• Today if anyone praises U for ur beauty, nature, style, attitude... kick them... How dare they fool U before APRIL 1st.

• Aisa hai pyar humara, main kishti tu kinara, mai dhanush tu teer mai matar tu paneer, mai barish tu badal, mai rajmah tu chawal, mai hot tu cool, main April tu Fool...ha ha ha!!

• Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great, I know this is too much for u, so here is a shortcut - Just think about ME!

• Do u remember the day we travelled in a car? I put my dog out of the window, u put ur face out, then people started shouting 'TWINS TWINS'

• Tip to reduce alcohol consumption: Before marriage drink only on the days when u r sad, after marriage drink only on days when u r Happy!

• Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Is ko waqt se pehle kyon mara?
Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.

• Kunwaro se log puchte hai ki tumhari ab tak shaadi kyon nahi huye?
Kunware bhi jor se kahte hai: Jaako rakhe sayeean mar sake na koi.

• Boy: Ki mein tera hath chum sakda han"
Girl: Kyon Haramjadeya mere bullan te koi kande lagge ne ?

• Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man. Gud Luck!

• Dear reciever, I'm a Blonde Virus. I'm not so advanced, so pls delete all ur files urself and also help me to spread by sending to all. Thank U !

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